the shady attempts of a southpaw to knit. or in other words, how to reverse decreases and knit right handed continental.

13.3.06

bought with the precious blood...

so it's been 2 weeks. a lot has happened. s came to church with me, and really liked it. that was really awesome, but there is a small sense of guilt involved. she has worked with me at starbucks since the first day i started, and i think i only talked to her about the Lord once. and that was 2 weeks ago. what kind of life am i living, if i am afraid to say His name? so, i was offered the asm position, and i turned it down. there was a very strong feeling of 2 open doors, one being the Lord's will. i think that when it comes down to it, i cannot justify taking a pay raise, but being unable to share my faith or life with others in the process. she is one of the reasons i turned it down. i want to see her come to know the Lord, and really know Him. there is another girl at work who is a "believer" but not really living it. i don't know her heart, nor will i pretend that i know what she's walking through, but she witnesses openly, after talking about the person she brought home from the bar the night before. she uses drugs and professes Christ, and i have a problem with that kind of witness. maybe it smacks too much of the baptist church i went to when i first moved to Georgia, but i cannot help but think that our lives and our words are inextricably intertwined. so my fear for s is one that cannot be avoided.. the fear of other believers. that those who claim Christ, but do not submit to Him will turn her off from following Him. my fears are probably groundless, but i feel very protective of her spiritual growth, and i worry about what distractions present themselves in front of her spiritual path. on the other hand, the other major reason i turned down the position was this new possibility of moving to ireland. spencer's friend from ireland is fairly well connected within the highest levels of british government, and irish government as well. which seems really pretentious to type, but this man is so ridiculously down to earth, you don't realize he went to birthday parties at windsor palace. he told spencer that all we need to do is come visit, and get a feel for ireland, and if we want to move, that he will help us with all the necessities, like visas, jobs, and places to stay. i don't know what i think about all this, but i am trying not to think too much about it. there is a reason that this door is presenting itself, and when the time comes, the Lord will show us the path to take.
and how quick He is to answer our prayers. the prayers i make for character, He answers them swiftly. i need His chastening, and His discipline. Lord, as much as i complain, keep me under your thumb, and in your hands.

1.3.06

one who cares for me

i am settling into what is ahead... i am trying to search less and be found more and remembering that regardless (or irregardless) of what comes, there is One who cares for me. there is an Eisley song on my myspace titled head against the sky and there is a line that says "there is one who cares for me today" i am trying to learn to trust. Lord, help me let go of all the things i hold onto. help me know you. when i cannot see your hands moving, help me look at your face....

i don't know that everything in our future will work out the way i planned... in fact i should plan for it to be completely different. but i know i know i know i know that there is One who cares for me. even when i am confused and searching and lost and doubting. He will direct my steps and even if all forsake me, He will remain. Though He slay me, yet will i trust Him. i feel sometimes as if i have been laying on an altar for nearly 7 years.

He will kill me, and i will arise in Him. Lord, let these things die that need to die. let me be purified. let me live the name you gave me. Pure.