the shady attempts of a southpaw to knit. or in other words, how to reverse decreases and knit right handed continental.

6.2.06

the clap and other things

i am seriously worried about getting finished with the clap before the olympics start. i am only one repeat into the straight sections and i only did 3 increases. i seriously only wanted a scarf and not a shawl... knitting with sock yarn is difficult for me, as i have a hard time concentrating on regular scarves/shawls in larger yarns, let alone something knit on 3's.
and on the subject of small needles, i purchased my first set of addi's. i got 2 circulars in 0's to attempt my olympics socks. before the lighting of the torch, i have to learn how to knit on 2 circs. joy. on top of the challenge, i'm adding more challenge. i think that's what makes us better knitters and better people.
i was reading through my brother's blog, since we don't really communicate via anything other than electronic means. he had some really challenging things to say about discipline and what it means to walk as a believer. today came with a crushing blow from the Lord. i spent most of the drive to my in-laws crying as the realization of my own nature flooded over me. i have justified so many things that once would have sickened me. i have cried the tears of a liar and i know i have walked in Peter's courtyard. what does it mean to truly lay down your life and be crucified with Christ? i have turned instead to the world for comfort, because my own spirit was too tired to keep fighting my flesh. Jesus, help me. i really want to be able to walk away from this body of death and run into His arms. beyond just a spiritual experience or some temporary encounter, i want to really regain some of the passion i once had. but beyond the passion, i want character. i want to be able to live Christ everywhere i go, but a life lived in love, not judgement. love for the Lord, and not my own desires. and that's where Ryan's blog comes in. he was thinking about the necessities of discipline as believers in all aspects of our lives. i have griped about my weight gain, and how i've increased my weight by 50% since i got married. but you know, there is a root. i have walked away from my true sustenance, which was relationship with the Lord, and instead fed every desire my flesh threw at me. every single one. spencer and i are fasting, trying to regain a control over our flesh, trying to lay what little we can on the altar of the Lord, trying to hear His voice. it may be an attempt that for some, smacks of legalism, but i am desperate. at one time in my life, i was a flame of fire, and now i am broken, cursing His name in the courtyard of the world, trying to save my own precious skin. may He grant me the desire of my heart. which is to know Him. to die with Him and to live in Him.
this wasn't really about knitting, but there are so many other facets of my life that i'm trying to work out.
oh. and she who shall not be named is leaving our store soon. i really have to learn to let some things go. and i pray the Lord guides me on this walk.

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